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hv9284
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Name: huy
Country: United States
Birthday: 9/2/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: guitars, american football, basketball, screen golf, Korean, and kdramas
Expertise: still looking
Occupation: Currently unemployed
Industry: Leisure
Message: message me
Member Since:
3/14/2003
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| I went out for drinks for Albert's birthday on Saturday, and it marked the first time in about 2 months that I've gone out for drinks with friends. I was almost as excited by the prospect of drinking alcohol as I was by hanging out with friends again - even when the majority were not my own friends. Things are starting to look up again. I guess I have been rather down in terms my usual optimism and happiness, but i feel things are returning to normal. I was completely surprised by the number and quality of people who have come into the office as interns at the small IP law firm that I've been working at in Menlo Park. It felt like everyone there was more qualified than me, from certified patent agents to law school students from Ivy league schools. Almost everyone was older than me too. It quickly made me think I was in over my head and completely out of place. However, over the past two week or so, I have really begun to enjoy working there, and I am much more comfortable with the responsibilities I've been given. Being professional is not a new concept, though I have a different understanding of what that means now that I've worked here for a few months. I am still completely intimidated by my boss, but overall this entire experience has been really good for me. As for my LSAT scores, they are not where they needs to be. I may have to take it again in October until I hit my target scores. I feel more comfortable with just about every concept in the LSAT and it comes down to execution and timing now. It pains me to think about extending until October, but it is probably the smarter thing to do. | | |
| I was sitting around at night, and I was thinking about how I wanted to meet up with friends, sit around a pitcher of beer, and talk. I did it almost every other day in Korea and I miss that. I guess I could go out and make friends who live around me, but I feel like I'm sort of beyond that age where I go out looking for some new exciting bromance. I do have friends in the bay area, though they probably live farther than I would want to go out for ---just want a beer and small talk. I guess, these random moments of loneliness hit me harder than I expect. Maybe it's why I always want to please other people or be the fun and charming guy when I do socialize with people. I really don't like being alone, and I want people to like me. It's sort of my persona - this overly confident loud mouth and I'm not really sure how much of it is real. I do know it's not a complete act, though I tend to go over the top as I feed off of the attention.
I woke up and went to my internship today. I was the only person in the office for an hour and actually set to doing some paperwork rather than muck around and check my email/espn. I kept busy until lunch time and by then a fellow intern and one of patent agents had come in. We all went out to lunch - which was nice. I think I prefer eating with company. Both men, were significantly older than I. We ate sandwiches while discussing the economy and the evolution of musical notation. After lunch, I finished up some of my paperwork, took care of some random office tasks, and headed home. Quite the boring ass day when I describe it, but it was satisfying. Just having something to do that is somewhat meaningful/valuable (and not even on an individual level) is really satisfying - its good for mental/spiritual health. I think its more proof I need a real job. Until then, I guess what I'm doing will be good for me.
In regards to my last post about this girl I was seeing, it was officially over about a week ago. After meeting her another time in SF, in which we had lunch, talked... like friends, we decided thats all it would be. She didnt tell me while I was with her, but she called me after I left, while I was driving home. Someone might say that that sort of talk is one thats better to have in person, but for some reason, I think it was fitting - I could see it happen in a movie. We were both thinking the same thing, so theres no broken hearts or tears- though I think for her sake, I acted more wounded than I was. She called me again this week to talk - I didnt answer, but then I called back the next day. My other friend is bitter jaded type, complained that I shouldnt talk to her. She was playing on my emotions and holding on to me in case she still needed me, but I pointed out that I'm already over it and I think she knows that - friends are friends. | | |
| Ive officially started my internship and lsat classes and my schedule will all of a sudden be extremely busy over the course of the next two months. I am still working part time with my dad, and intend not to cut time from my daily exercise regiment which ultimately means I have very little time left over for the standard time burning and spacing out that I do as a man of leisure. Do not pity me, and do not worry as I will probably be doing my best to disappear from the world.
At the back of my mind, I am wondering how this will affect my already ambiguous infant "relationship." I've come to the conclusion that I don't understand her and maybe women in general. I ask her rather often when she has time to see me. I usually get a response that she's busy - and that she'll probably be busy for the entire month [with no real hope of that situation changing.] Today, she accused me of not asking her out on more dates as to why we haven't really moved forward in our "relationship." I agreed, I didnt ask her out on another date...but it's not because I'm unwilling or I am not fulfilling my role as "the man" in the relationship. How can I ask her on dates when she will just tell me she's busy? Am I assuming something wrong here?
Ultimately, I think this is one of those situations where circumstance and timing just don't work out, even though I like her, and I THINK she likes me. I know inside that if we continue down this road we won't really get anywhere and our window of opportunity will close. I can hope that somehow it can work, but under these new circumstances it seems like even more reason to let it go. Who's to say that some day in the future that window won't open again. I just have to make a decision on what to do from here on out. A friend of mine suggested I just tell her how I feel. I don't want to do that because I want it to work out, but it might be better off for both of us rather than to drag this thing out any further. | | |
| I've come to realize that I am not a good guy. Deep down inside, my base instincts are full of evil and deceit. I do alot of things that to me are perfectly acceptable and harmless in own my head, but when described to me after the fact from an alternative perspective, seem really quite bad. I had a long talk with my friend about this, and if I was her...I'd think I was an asshole. Yet she still thinks I'm a nice guy. I'd say there were a ton of roadblocks that sort of say we shouldn't date at all. She lives far away, she's super busy, we're not the most compatible, on top of me being an asshole but I still think she wants to try. She says she's confused. I'm confused too, because if I was her I would have told me to beat it long ago ---maybe thats more evidence that I'm an insensitive bastard. | | |
| Today I went to work with my father. I could see that he was happy I was there. I know that he was happy that he's working again because business has been really slow due to the ecnomy, but I really think his enthusiasm was moreso because of me being there with him. He has always supported me and would support me in any decision I would make about my future, although I know a part of him wants me to work with him and continue his work when he gets older. I respect my father alot and what he does. I would be proud to be as successful as him. However, its difficult for me to accept it, because I still really want to do something on my own; be completely independent and live my own life outside of my parent's bubble. I had a taste of complete self sufficiency and independence while I was working abroad and I know it's what I want for myself right now. I realize that through working with my father, I could eventually build myself up, and find the independence I was looking for but I feel if I make a commitment to it, I lose out on my other options.
I feel I have already disappointed my parents in a few ways, first in regards to my education; by not being completely serious/set on about pursuing higher education in terms of graduate/law school. Also by not being employed and being this way for such a long period of time. My sister's have set the bar in terms of what my parents expect of me.... go to school/get a job. It's what I expected of myself... and although I could make an excuses, the truth is I am disappointed in myself and if I was more focused and disciplined, I would have a job right now. I am here, and I have options. I am still somewhat young, but I am getting older and so is my father. Working for him is an option that has an expiration date and if I don't make a decision on it now, it wouldn't be something I could go back to and do later on.
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